Chapter 6 New Beginnings

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The stay in Berlin might have been a blissful time when life seemed to be easier, where buildings were shiny and modern and even the Holocaust Memorial was overshadowed by the taste of beer and those fat delicious sausages.

Now Lena Zaya had to forget about all that. What was great about her relationship with Gabriel Gacek was the fact that for a couple of years she could go almost every weekend to Cracov and catch some distance to her everyday problems. She could forget about her roommates at the dorms, about mean professors, who for years made her life problematic, and about children, who made her life miserable.

But now she had no place to forget and coming to Cracov each weekend just for the pure sake of tourist adventure, while she knew the city so well, was pointless. Suddenly, she had no place to alternative from Warsaw, studies and her life in general.

Another bleak area in her life was Barbara. Her perfectionism, to say the least, was unbearable. All her stuff were neatly ordered and if Lena unintentionally moved anything, be it put the chair in a different place, left some specks of dust, the girl would definitely see it. Any attempt at making a mess was seen as a threat. When Lena came back from Berlin the flat was spotlessly clean and disinfected. Lena thought that the sterile Berlin’s hospital should follow the girl’s example as they didn’t achieve her level of cleanliness.

Even Barbara’s routine was annoying. Girls didn’t have much in common with each other, they didn’t talk much at all. Barbara was usually scribbling something in her notebook or reading some books in German, or working, leaving herself no time for entertainment, socializing and the ‘silly stuff’ which the girl thought a waste of time. Lena wasn’t a bookworm. She preferred films to books, modern music to anything else and she liked learning languages for the pure pleasure of understanding songs and films; and for some time she felt that university wasn’t a place for her. There were far too many philosophical theories to learn, too many books to read, too many historical facts to memorize, and most of the time, when she was attending lectures, she was mostly asleep.

There was some sort of salvation in her fate, as she liked teaching English, and she didn’t mind the contact with people. So almost from the time she returned from London, she was tutoring, working in language schools and dealing with the world from the teachers’ perspective.

But being a teacher, for someone who just liked the language and didn’t feel the vocation, was an increasingly devastating experience. She got burned out after two years of repeating the use of Present and Past Tenses. She got tired of correcting pronunciation and at that time she was simply unmotivated both at her school and her university.

And these children! You may say a lot about your children. They are most likely a blessing in disguise. They inherited your looks, your intelligence, your talent for singing and reciting. But they also inherited your flaws, your stubbornness, the inability to deal with emotions, your hatred, and frustration. And as far as you are tired when you have to stay with other people’s children, Lena began to be tired of teaching other people’s children just the same. Sometimes they behaved in an uncontrollable way, occasionally they aggressively said that ‘they wished she was dead’, they always assessed her looks and commented on her Mongolian features as if she wasn’t in the room. And at times, especially the little ones, they farted in the class, leaving inside the unbearable stench of poop, forcing her to air the room. Bringing up little people was hard. Coming back to a sterile room cleaned with Domestos was equally hard. And even harder was coming back from both: an exhausting job and an unmotivating university to the unpleasant atmosphere at the dorms. Even more depressing was coming back to her real home full of her step-brothers and step-sisters, with whom she didn’t have any common ground and, as she was professionally taking care of children, she didn’t want to look after them in her free time. She reached the point of discontent. She just had enough with being miserable, so she desperately wanted to change at least something in her life.

This time it was her who took her phone and called Robert Rej on early November Friday evening.

‘Can I come round?’, she tried to sound polite.

‘What for?’

‘Just for the pleasure of your company. I miss you.’

That sounded sentimental, but it was true that Lena missed a friendly soul impersonated by Robert.

‘Fine. Bring some food. I’ve run out of cash.’

That was an honest revelation. Lena had money from work and, even though still a student, she felt independent, since when she covered the cost of the room, public transport, and food, she had some money left for pleasure and entertainment. It wasn’t much, but she learned how to survive and how to earn in the case of emergency.

She went to the supermarket and bought some crisps, Coca-Cola, and beer. She also bought two frozen pizzas and a bag of frozen potato chips. Without a problem, she found the address and climbed the same number of stairs every guest of Robert Rej had to climb to get to the flat.

Robert Rej didn’t look well. His hair was messy. His face was pale and he had shadows under his eyes. He had a few-week-old beard and he looked as if he hadn’t changed his clothes for some time.

‘You can tell that you don’t have a woman’

‘Thanks.’

‘You look horrific!’

‘Thank you again. What did you bring to eat?’

Lena gave him the bags and he, contentedly, opened them and turned on the old oven.

‘But, really. Even if you want to find yourself a boyfriend, you should do something with yourself. Change the clothes for the start...’

Robert Rej ignored her comments. He knew he wasn’t his best self. It wasn’t about the lack of romantic life. It was about money. When he paid the alimony and paid the rent, he barely had money for food. There was an opportunity to earn some more money but that required him to spend some time at the University. And he just started dealing with the case.

Lena took a close look at the flat. She observed the floors and the ceiling. She made use of the toilet. She looked at the cupboards in the kitchen.

‘I know it’s old. It’s almost in ruin.,’Robert Rej sounded protective ‘But it’s really big.’

‘I think it’s really cool.’

After a while, they were sitting in Robert’s room, eating baked pizza and drinking beverages. Robert gladly appeased his hunger and felt better after a glass of beer.

‘It’s definitely better than the one I live in this year. My roommate is getting on my nerves. I feel I’m too old to share a room.’

Robert Rej raised his eyebrows. This gave him some idea.

‘How much do you pay for your room?’

‘Four hundred. Plus the internet. You know, it’s a dorm and we share a segment.’

‘Hm... And what would you say if I offered you one of the spare rooms for the same amount of money? I’d use some money for the rent.’

He actually meant that he would use some money for the food, as it was the second day that he ate boiled potatoes.

‘You mean, the whole room?’

‘Sure, you know, the windows are not in their best condition. But if you like post-war furniture and high ceilings...’

‘I don’t, to be honest. Can I look at the rooms?’

Robert Rej showed Lena all the remaining rooms. The one right next to his was painted in white and had some old wooden table and a mattress on the floor; it seemed these were the remains of some previous tenant. There was also a bookshelf and a wardrobe from the late seventies or eighties and a peculiar carpet which stank of a dead rabbit.

‘It has potential. Fine. I’ll take it. But I don’t want these,’she pointed at the furniture ‘And the mattress, especially. I cannot imagine myself sleeping on the floor.’

‘We can move them to another room. That is not a problem. Are you sure you want to live here?’

‘Do you believe in love at first sight?’she asked out of the blue.

‘I told you I’m gay. Even if you were the prettiest girl in the world, it wouldn’t work. I was married and it didn’t work.’

‘I wasn’t talking about you, silly. I was talking about the room.’

Robert Rej felt that the deal was sealed and at least for some time he went out of serious financial problems. Plus he won a flatmate.

The same evening Lena informed Barbara that she was leaving the dorms. She lied that she found a cheap room in Żoliborz district and she just couldn’t say no. Not that lying was in her habit, but it was difficult to explain to her fellow student that she was going to live with a divorced policeman, whom she met during her awkward dildo case and painful break-up. Lena got acquainted with various people in her life, there were also older individuals from varied environments. She didn’t limit herself only to her peers, but Barbara seemed to be a very correct person, who just wouldn’t understand or simply couldn’t think outside the box. She couldn’t probably even place her belongings outside of the box, as her boxes were neatly ordered and arranged.

Barbara was irritated beyond measure when she found Lena packing her things on Saturday morning. Lena made a mess in their room but she just couldn’t fit everything in the cardboard boxes she took from the supermarket. Robert promised to arrive at the dorms and take everything to the flat.

‘Can I borrow your suitcase? It’s huge. I’m not sure I can squeeze everything in.’

Barbara frowned.

‘It’s already packed for my weekend. I won’t repack it. I can borrow you some rubbish sacks if you want.’

‘But why do you pack your suitcase in advance?’ Lena asked over one cardboard box, ‘You’re not going to Gdańsk this weekend...’

‘I have a lot of clothes to wash. I’m not going to wash them in the dorms’ washing machines. They are good for kitchen towels and rags. I’d rather wash my clothes at home.’

Lena shrugged. But Barbara was right. Washing machines were terrible over the place. You could give your clothes to a dog to play and the result might be even better than after this kind of laundry.

Barbara’s suitcase would have been perfect for the occasion. Now Lena started considering buying her own in a similar size. The bad boy was huge. You could put your kids in this thing and travel budget, treating them as a luggage.

Without any exaggerated acts of fondness (as it was just the beginning of the academic year) girls separated. Robert came before ten in the morning and helped Lena take her things first down the stairs of the dorms, after half an hour ride, up the stairs of the flat.

Exhausted, Lena put her belongings in the room and, since it was still early, she decided to arrange a couple of things more.

‘We’re going shopping.’

Robert Rej was literally thrown into the car and they went to IKEA. Lena spent all her September salary and some savings from the summer on a new set of furniture. She bought a folding sofa, an armchair, a little coffee table, a fluffy carpet, a wardrobe, a commode, a little table and two chairs - the majority in strikingly white colors - except for the carpet and sofa. She added some pillows, some candles and a few posters framed in glass. Full, after the Swedish meal consisting of meatballs, salmon, fruity water and a piece of cake, they managed to collect everything and order the service to the flat.

Then they came to one of the shopping centers and Lena, in an utterly good mood, decided to buy some clothes for Robert. She made him try on trousers, sweaters, blouses, and cardigans. She even bought him shoes.

‘I love it,’ she said, ‘I was always doing the shopping with Gacek. He really paid attention to what he was wearing.’

Robert Rej actually looked good in his new outfits and appreciated Lena’s taste in clothes.

In the afternoon the furniture was brought, guys from the service swore heavily as they had to climb the five staircases with not the lightest sofa and boxes with other items of the furniture collection. And for the rest of the day, Robert and Lena played as little Bobs the Builders, opening boxes, setting boards, screwing the screws and assembling every part, with one eye on the manual, the other on the actual thing.

It was over midnight when everything was ready and put to its place. Robert was amazed how the room changed. It looked like a modern studio flat, with no sign of post-war atmosphere. There was something fresh and invigorating about the room. It looked like a new beginning of something positive: an upcoming future where the best is yet to come.

His new clothes gave him the same feeling. It’s funny how items make people feel better. How a clean shirt reminds a person that he is still of some worth, that he can be loved and respected. It’s funny how decent living conditions remind us that we have the right to live above the poverty line, that we have the right to fresh linen and clean table. It’s sad that in the world of billions this right was to be limited to the few.

‘There’s one more thing,’ Lena gasped ‘After I pay you the rent, I have actually no money left for food.’

And since they both lived in the sad circumstances of Polish salaries, which allowed you to be a little bit less crazy with money as you wished you’d be, Robert Rej kindly reminded her that rice and potatoes are in abundance. And taking into account those millions living below the poverty line of one dollar a day, that was actually enough.